How Restless Legs Syndrome Has Impacted My Life

It’s the middle of the night, and as usual, I’m finding it really difficult to sleep after also having a really bad day battling daytime restless legs syndrome (RLS).

I decide to watch Supernatural on Amazon Prime for the umpteenth time, but frankly, I’m not even paying attention. I'm terribly frustrated and so very tired of feeling terribly frustrated at the same time.

I sigh. I glance at the TV, and Sam Winchester (as played by Jared Padalecki) smiles as if at me, and I smile back. Then I chuckle at myself. "Silly me," I mutter to myself, and I smile again, sadly.

Today is my birthday

I decide to go and run some hot water over my legs. I get up and make my way to the door; my phone beeps. I contemplate ignoring it and going to the bathroom, but curiosity about who was texting me at midnight won, so I walk back to my bedside table and pick up my phone.

It’s a text from my mum: “Happy birthday, baby.” I quickly glance at the date. It’s my birthday, and I didn’t even remember.

I sit back down on the bed and start to cry – tears of intense sadness. I’ve had RLS all my life and it just gets worse as I grow older. I love my birthdays so much, but due to the intensity of my RLS these days, I forgot one of my best days each year?

How RLS has affected my quality of life

I start thinking about all the ways restless legs syndrome has affected me and my quality of life. I pick up my laptop and make a list; please feel free to also add yours.

• No sleep – I can’t remember a time when I had a solid 8-hour sleep, ever.
• Aggression – I find myself being angry at very little things that shouldn’t even upset me.
• Anxiety – I get so anxious towards bedtime and the instant day breaks.
• Poor performance at work and school – I’ve spoken about this in an older article. I try to make sure I stay on top of things but not sleeping at night and having chronic daytime RLS takes its toll on my daily life, which includes my studies and my job. And for someone who is naturally an overachiever, this contributes a lot to my anxiety as well.
• Unhealthy eating habits – I’ve added a lot of weight due to eating when I’m not hungry just to take my mind away from my RLS symptoms.
• Deteriorating eyesight – I’m always either watching TV or something on my phone or reading a book with very dim light at night due to my inability to sleep at night and my obsession with finding ways to relieve my RLS symptoms. And this has contributed in no small measure to my very deteriorating eyesight.
• Dehydration – I’m constantly dehydrated because I have a big fear of wanting to pee when I finally fall asleep.
• No savings – I’ve also spoken about my finances in an older article. I’m constantly buying new medication or equipment that I think will help my RLS. They hardly ever work, but I keep buying them because I have hope – hope that one day one of them will work.
• Zero social life – Nobody really wants to go out with someone who can’t sit still for more than 10 minutes. Need I say more?

Invisible suffering

I look at myself in the mirror, seemingly normal, seemingly put together, but only the people closest to me and I know how much I’m suffering. I think of everyone else who is suffering and how we can’t give up.

So like always, I have hope; after all, it is my birthday. I'll go run that hot water over my legs now...