Rising Above: RLS and Bullying

“Aunty J, my friends don’t like me!” my goddaughter whispered to me.

I look at her face, and I see genuine sadness. So I sit her down and inquire as delicately as possible why she thought her friends didn’t like her. She explained that they didn’t like that she was always moving and kicking and running (her words). My heart broke for her, not just because she’s my goddaughter but because I was her many years ago!

Flashback to the 90s

I was immediately transported to the 90s, a little girl in grade school who others didn’t want to hang out with for too long because of my inability to stay still.

I was taunted and made fun of, I was called all sorts of names, and my class teacher forced me into participating in races even though I didn't particularly like sports and had (still have) really bad asthma. Because in her words, "You are always moving anyway, you might as well put it to reasonable use."

The struggle for children with RLS

It is incredibly hard on children with restless legs syndrome (RLS) because there are no adequate words to explain why they do what they do and why they have the constant need and urge to just keep moving. My goddaughter doesn’t even really understand it herself.

When I asked her why she thinks she can’t stay still, she said, “My legs don’t let me.”

It is hard to explain RLS to children

My own daughter also suffers from RLS, and even though she hasn't been bullied, I can't help but feel it's just a matter of time. Even though I’m in a better position than my mom was years ago and recognized her symptoms very early, like my mom, I honestly don’t have the words.

How do you explain RLS to a child? How do you tell her it’s incurable? How do you tell a child she would potentially suffer for the rest of her life?

Consider the long-term negative effects

Some people think bullying is just part and parcel of the growth process, and bullied kids eventually learn how to stand up and stick up for themselves. But here's the thing – RLS is very confusing for children. And it is the kind of confusion that can have a very long-term psychological effect.

This makes it really hard for them to want to stick up for themselves because they assume that they are somehow sick and flawed and deserve to be bullied. It starts to breed a lack of confidence, self-loathing, and can eventually lead to self-harm just to get that leg/s to stop and to drown out the voice of their bullies echoing in their heads, telling them they are not enough.

How to support children with RLS

As parents, teachers, and adults, it is our duty to recognize when our children or the children in our care are hurting and help them. Come down to their level and speak to them in a way their mind will comprehend. Get them a therapist if needed. And most importantly, let their physician prescribe appropriate treatment to manage their RLS symptoms as much as possible.

As a mom and god mum to kids with RLS, I carry a lot of hurt and guilt. Should I have had kids at all, knowing RLS can be potentially genetic? I know I can’t be the only one who feels this way. I’d really like to know how people in my shoes deal with it.