I cant do this anymore

Hi . My heart aches for you. You are far from alone and you most certainly deserve to have your suicidal feelings taken serously. Have you considered finding a new doctor, one with more compassion and empathy? If you reach a point where you can't take the sensations anymore, I hope you consider going directly to an emergency room. Many people in this community have found relief that way even though it's not a permanant solution. One good chunk of sleep might be enough to help you get through to the next day. Is there someone you can call when your symptoms are at their worst? Maybe you can work out a coping strategy with that person that includes the ER if nothing else helps.
What types of doctors have you seen for your RLS in the past? Here is a list of clinic certified by the Restless Legs Syndrome Foundation: https://www.rls.org/quality-care-centers. It might be worth the time and money to travel to one for an appointment. They might allow you to continue with care virtually with, possibly, yearly in-person visits. It sounds like you really need doctors who are compassionate and who fully understand the impact of the pain and sleeplessness. You might find those doctors at one of these clinics.
Please check back in often to let me know how you are doing. I have no doubt life can be better for you with the right care. Advocating for yourself and finding that care can be physically and mentally exhausting, but it will be so worth it when you do.
Sending lots and lots of gentle hugs your way. - Lori (Team Member)